Friday, November 10, 2006

I vant to zuck your bluddddd

IOZ is still ignoring all my comments with enormous vim and vigor, making him a spumeous specimen of sphincter indeed. Still, that doesn't change the fact that my stuff is always the best thing in any of his comment threads. And to prove it, here's something I posted yesterday, or maybe the day before, I don't frickin' know (I just wish I hadn't drunk all that cough syrup this morning)...

Here's what I envision --

DEMS: We'd like to talk about withdrawing troops from Iraq, please. It's the Number One issue with our constituents. We can't win this war, the body count is unacceptable, it's an immoral occupation, we're hated by the entire world, let's get our boys and girls back home. It's a moral imperative. We need to do the right thing.

CHENEY (hiding his fangs beneath his cape) temdllr gllln gssssss.


CHENEY: (speaking up) TEN DOLLAR PER GALLON GAS. After we pull the troops out. Tell us when. We're standing by.{stares at Dems oh so hungrily with his deep red eyes)

DEMS: It... ah... we... did you say ten dollar per gallon gas?

CHENEY: Jesus. These numb fucks have no idea what we're doing over there. Georgie, get me my shotgun.

DEMS: Wait! Behind you! It's... N'yaarlahotep!

CHENEY: (whirling) POP! Wait --

(DEMS leave hastily)

See? This is some great work, here. And I still can't get anyone to pay me for this stuff. It's a hard hard life if you don't weaken, I'm here to tell you.

ADDENDUM: I'm giddy as a schoolboy. This blog has now attracted an anonymous troll (see comment threads). I'm like a rhinestone cowboy, gettin' cards and letters from people I don't even know. Ah, the sweet sweet savor of success. I'm in the show! Woo HOO! Man, I may need to hire an agent or something.


At 8:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You think an awful lot of yourself. No one will pay for your stuff and you still think your comments are "the best" on his comment threads, even though he is IGNORING you?
And I thought you were smart.

At 10:26 PM, Blogger Handsome said...

I do think an awful lot of myself. More than I think of some nameless drive-by gerbil stuffee with nothing to offer but witless, febrile chittering, anyway. But whyever did you think I was smart? I mean, by comparison to you, yeah, but, still, that's mostly just because I can recognize self depreciating irony when I read it.

Thanks for playing our game, though.

At 7:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"witless, febrile chittering?"
"self depreciating irony?"
It's been my experience that when someone throws around a lot of big words unnecessarily he's trying to prove himself...or impress someone..or possibly over-compensating for a lack somewhere else?

Tell you know the meaning of "verbose"?

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Handsome said...

Wait a minute. You're coming here from IOZ and you're getting on ME for throwing around big words?

Honestly, I'm not wild about having my comment threads degenerate into a flame war, especially with someone who apparently feels that their own sadly deficient vocabulary is somehow a positive attribute. Wait. Are you a Republican? Did you vote for Dubya? That would certainly explain your obvious contempt for erudition.

Now, if you have something positive, or even remotely interesting, to contribute to any topic I've raised on this page, have at it. Otherwise, the delete key is about to start seeing some use around here.

At 7:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm an "anonymous troll"? If you delete MY comments, you will be deleting apparently your ONLY reader and commenter. I'm so skeered....

Wups. Rush Limbaugh just called and wants me to go over and blow him. I'll have to finish this later.

At 12:14 PM, Blogger AaA said...

I believe the last anonymous post. The last two sentences, anyway.


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